PLEASE, PLEASE TREAT THIS AS A LAST FAVOUR TO ME, AND READ EVERY DAMNED SINGLE WORD, DON'T BLINK OR YOU MIGHT SKIP ONE, AND GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MUCH MORE DAMAGE THAT CAN DO TO US.



Good God I can't believe I have to resort to using my blog as an outlet. To say the least, it's fucking pathetic. But there's no other way I can talk to you anymore, I'll acknowledge this. And here I was contentedly thinking the last time was enough to make you understand that I need to know when you're unhappy about something, even if something is a result of my actions. My need derives from my concern for you. Because that's what friends do you know, care for each other. But you don't respect my need, and it fucking hurts, and yet you act as if you're feeding my insatiable appetite for your pain. Gee, I never knew I was a fucking sociopath in your eyes. I told you a friendship cannot be sustained if there is no balance, no give and take, and since in your eyes you have already assumed the place of the giver, you shove me into being the taker, then even when I try to contribute you push me away and ultimately you tell me I'm selfish. Then what the fuck do you want out of me? To fuckbrainedly sit here and watch you fucking hurt and be accused of wanting to do nothing to help all the time, of being apathetic? In case you haven't noticed, and in case the realization didn't dawn on you even when I told you outright, that's the complete oppo-fucking-site of my intentions. If opening my mouth equates hurting you then I'll shut my fucking trap. If that's the only way I can give to you then that's the way I'll work. I hope you read this entry ASAP, because you say you can't stand it any longer, but I've already decided to give up. I hope now that I've put it into something you can read you'll at least absorb a point or if I'm really lucky, two, because it seems you tuned off completely when we talked the last fucking time. If I knew you'd always be hurt by us then I'd rather it have been just us girls from the damned start, or just you and your original three cronies. I should have known all I am to you is a fucking charity. And even then when giving's supposed to be a joy, I am a charity you find it a chore to give to. Wait, let's rephrase that, I NEVER KNEW I WAS A DUTY OF YOURS. Happy happy joy joy! I've always thought we were more than this, we were actually friends, and I was even convinced we were so close to being best of (gasp!), but I guess I've finally gotten it into my thick skull that you know different. 5:53 AM